“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got.”

When I was a young girl i would often look up to my older cousin who had a boyfriend and wonder what being in love meant and what it felt like. I would just watch all the laughter, smiles, and tears that one person could bring to another. When she was experiencing a breakup i saw how heart broken she was and how much she cried. I didn’t quite understand how someone could be so devastated over someone who they have barely known for such a brief amount of time. I vowed to myself that i would NEVER allow myself to cry over “some boy.” and then i fell in love. I had never had a boyfriend before because that type of thing, going from one boy to the next like many of the people i went to school with did, i was shy and i had very high expectations of what i wanted out of a boyfriend. By my junior year of high school i still had never done anything not even hold a boy’s hand i started to think that i wouldn’t have a boyfriend until i entered the college chapter of my life. Well I was best friends with this boy. We were pretty close always hanging out in and out of school. I could tell he liked me but i was unsure of my feelings for him. eventually i fell for him and it all started from there. He was my first love. I was head over heels in love with him. In the beginning it was a true fairy tale as they always are. He was so so sweet. We dated for a year and a half and towards the end everything was so different, Fighting all the time, arguing, tears, childishness. When things ended of course i was devastated. Its been only a few months, and some days are a lot harder than others. Sometimes i hate being a girl because we seem to be so much more emotionally attached to people, especially in relationships, than guys ever are. This is such a sucky thing. To this day i still care for him so much and some days i really want to pick up the phone and call him, but i know it would be pointless because not only does he not care but he already has moved on in to the next relationship in his life. THIS is the hardest thing for me. It is so hard to see someone else be in love with the person you were (and probably still are if the breakup is really fresh on the heart still, like me) in love with. It is even harder to see the person who use to be in love with you be in love with someone else. That i think is one of the hardest things. Being left with so many memories and reminders everywhere you look makes it harder to move on and get over the boy who broke your heart. Even though i don’t have him on any social media websites i still am left with all the memories we had together: our song, first kiss, first date, first dance, gifts, dates, etc. I am a really emotional and sensitive person. i tend to care a lot more fore people than hey care for me. This is a true struggle because you are often disappointed. This leads into the title of this whole blog. The point of the story is, is you have to learn to pick your head up, put a smile on your face, and accept the fact that even though you weren’t in the wrong the person who deserved to apologize never will. You will forever be sad if you wait on the people who have hurt you to say sorry. Often times it will never come. God had a plan and He is sending people so you may learn from mistakes. You are being prepared for the man you are meant to be with. The man God created for you. I have to remind myself of this quite often. I have to remember that if i can be this in love with the wrong person i can’t fathom how in love and perfect the guy i am supposed to spend the rest of my life with will be like. This is hard to be patient sometimes because I want to move on and not have to be the one stuck with the heart break but all things come in due time. The storm may be rough now but in the end the sun will shine and the storm will become a memory you can be thankful for.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s