“I’ve tasted and seen, of the sweetest of loves Where my heart becomes free, and my shame is undone”

I remember in 7th grade, for the first time, I went to a church because I wanted to. I wanted to become closer to God. I remember getting saved and I remember the day I was baptized. Through 7th and 8th grade, my love and fire for God grew and was steadfast. I knew that God was with me and that even though I failed Him daily, He was always by my side. I was so in love with the Father and I was so excited to go worship Him and serve Him. I loved going to church and looked forward to it. I wasn’t perfect, but every day I tried my hardest to live for Him and live like a child of the Father should. It is crazy that as I look back I can’t remember when this routine stopped or when going to church became a burden. Every day it seemed as if not much changed but as I am looking back now I realize just how far from Him I have gotten. One day I stopped living for Him and I started living for myself. I did not read my Bible and going to church was something I resented. I would make excuse after excuse as to why I wasn’t going to go or why I didn’t think I had to attend. I let the world and my life get in the way of my relationship with my creator. Now I am in such of a bad habit to not live like a child of God, it is hard for me to revert back to the way I was. I have backslidden and it is bad. I am at a point where I forget to even pray. This is not where I meant to ever be. Once you get started though the Devil gets you rolling and loving the things of the world. I let having a boyfriend stop me from being close to my savior. I let school and work and life, get in the way. I have tried getting back into the habit of living for the father only to immediately go back to doing worldly things. One can not love both the father and the world. It is not possible and that is what I am learning from this experience. I want so badly to be back in the arms of the Father. I want this to be a step towards better days. I need to find a church to call home again and to ask for forgiveness from the creator. It is very hard to live the life that God wants and expects us to, but He has promised everlasting life to those who accept and obey His commands. You can search for love in many places; a boy, sex, alcohol but you will only find the love you are searching for in the father. Starting now I want to begin a journey back to Jesus and living for him. I need to stop living a worldly life and I especially need to rid my heart of the hate it has for certain people. I need to ask for forgiveness and in return also forgive those who have hurt me. This is my wake up call. If anyone reads this please please pray for me. I really need the strength to keep going and to return to the Christian that I am supposed to be. God, come into my heart and change it. Break it for what breaks yours. Help me to be the Salt and the Light of the World. Help me to pray often and to live out your will.

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