“If I fall can you let me down easy?”

In my life, I have only ever had a major crush on 3 people and one of those ended up being my boyfriend the other 2 did not end well. My problem is is once I get feelings for someone, it is hard for me to hold back. I fall head first and fast. So many people tell me to not get my hopes over people without being for sure but it is hard. I give my all immediately hoping that they will do the same. If they show interest in me it is ten times worse because I give myself false hope. Hoping that they too with reciprocate the feelings I have for them. Once I allow myself to catch feelings for someone It is really hard for me to let them go. Especially if I thought something was actually going to happen between the 2 of us. It is hard for me not to be so caring because I have such a huge heart. I always tend to fall for the guys who aren’t worth my time, too. I don’t know why it just always happens. This time, I feel it was the worst because He had everything that I look for in a guy (nice physique, smart, a good career and future, ambition, goals, etc.). I ignored all the warning signs people gave me and allowed my heart to get attached to someone who lives to play girls. I knew from the very beginning to be careful with these types of guys because 9 times out of 10 they are too good to be true. He may have had all those things that I mentioned, but he lacked chivalry, how to treat a lady, how NOT to be a whore, you know all the things that also make you boyfriend material. He is definitely one of those guys that looks for the hot girl at the party who has had a little to drink and works his charm to get her to make out with him and hopefully, in his favor, the bedroom. He does not give a damn about her feelings at all. He may try to act like a friend, but that is just one of the many things to “whoo” her.  Every time this is about to happen I tell myself “don’t you do it, you will be disappointed” and each time that I failed to listen to my gut instinct I get hurt. I think I wanted so badly to get into a relationship so that I could not worry about my ex and how he has moved on in life and I’m still single. I wanted to post pictures with a really hot guy so that people would show him and he would see that I am way better off without him. I know I don’t need a guy to know that I am better off without my ex, but I just didn’t want to be alone. I miss having someone to connect with on that different level than you do with friends. Revenge is not always the best medicine. Sometimes it causes you to get hurt instead of hurting the person you intended to. Lesson learned. I can’t keep allowing myself to be that vulnerable girl that falls too easy. I am working on that. I just need to realize I need to learn to live 100% and be happy with being single and when I least expect it a guy will come along. In a way, I am at this point but I admit I am not there 100% just yet. I know this feeling of hurt will go away soon regarding this new guy and things will return to normal and it will be a thing of the past. I  just don’t want to allow myself to be hurt over someone who isn’t worth it. You live and you learn…


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