Coming out of a relationship you feel like you will never love again. That person was your whole world and you opened up to them and shared your deepest sentiments. Love is such a weird concept to me. You open yourself up to someone not knowing if they are in your future. Your first love teaches you so many things, but for many that love never lasts. That, I think is what scares me the most. You love people and you let down your walls and share this raw information and of things don’t work out and y’all depart ways, there is this person out there that knows you and will always have that information about you. Coming from the rocky relationship that I did it taught me many things. I thought that that was how love was supposed to be and I truly believed that would be who I was ti marry one day. I am extremely thankful that God opened my eyes. Leaving it I never thought I would find someone that lived up to my now higher standards. Entering college single was a great thing though because it has really allowed me to find myself and realize what I want. It helped me figure out what I liked and didn’t like. Being patient isn’t always easy but when you give time a chance to do its thing the things you never expect to happen in life, do. I encourage you to go out of your typical “type” because the person you least expect to sweep you off your feet is waiting there. I am not sure what the future holds but I hope that it has him in it. I can sense the connection between us and I feel as if he is going to be the one to show me what real love is all about. Not perfect but real. Know the difference. The fact that we have so many things in common scares me because it makes me like him that much more. Often we don’t understand in the moment why we are being put through something. Trusting in GOD has been one of the best things I could have ever done and lately the Lord has been showing me blessings on blessings. I do not know where this is going, but I hope that I can trust again and let down my guard. All of this was to say that you can’t hold on to things God wants you to let go of. Doing so only hurts you more. I learned this the hard way but as soon as I realized, I started to live. I realized that God was going to find send someone one thousand times better. I have to trust that if this is God’s plan He will work it out and I know that He will take care of the situation.
My whole life I have had a bad habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt. Trusting them and letting them in before they proved to be worthy of my friendship. I have always had a heart for others, I guess that is why I am becoming a nurse. Many times I have been hurt by people because of the fact that I let people in instead of putting up my guard. Sometimes I wish I was different and that people weren’t so evil and out to take advantage of others. It is very hard to trust people these days because many are selfish and will do anything for personal gain, even if it means throwing you under the bus to get there. It is hard for me to grasp and understand how people can be so hateful and out to hurt others. Sometimes having a good heart has many cons and often times you are left being hurt by those you thought would never doubt you. Loyalty is a very important word in this generation. Often times many are not loyal; in relationships or friendships. Many days I find myself thinking to myself ” why do you do it?” ” why put yourself through this pain?” I wish I knew the answer, but I don’t. No matter how hard I try I will always be the same caring person. It hurts knowing that I ‘ll give way more in this life than I ‘ll ever receive, but you know what I am okay with that. I ma okay with knowing that even though someone has wronged me, I have made someone’s day a better one because of my kindness. I try to be mindful of the battles that people fight everyday that I am unaware of. In my opinion, there is just not enough room in the heart for hate. I ‘ll stay looking for the angel inside of all the demons. I truly believe that looking back on life down the road I will not regret befriending others.
If I was ever given the chance to talk to my ex again, I’d first start by apologizing. Not because I think the ending of the relationship was all my fault but that I now realize that there were some things that I could have changed to have been a better girlfriend. I’d also apologize for bad mouthing him during the process of healing. My ex-boyfriend was by no means perfect and he didn’t treat me as he should have, but he was not horrible either. I did have some great memories with him as well. I’d apologize for all the things I said in anger and the things I said during fights to put him down. I regret that so much.
Another thing I would tell him was that even though I am over him and don’t think I’d ever date him again, I miss him so much. I miss him as a person, as my best friend. Before we dated we were SUCH great friends. We would spend so much time together and he would make me laugh for hours. He was so sweet and despite our differences in the relationship he was a really great friend. I miss that friendship so much. Having a guy’s perspective on things and being comfortable with telling him anything and everything. I miss Friday nights after football games where the football players and the cheerleaders would go for pizza and hang out. It was the best of times.
If given the chance I would tell him to keep his head up and stay motivated because he could seriously do anything he put his mind to and it would be a shame to have that ambition wasted. I would tell him to not be discouraged by the world who constantly tells young adults they will amount to nothing if they don’t conform to the mold society cut out for us. I would make sure he knew that I hope he was doing well and continues to do so. I’d hope he would know that no matter what he would always have a place in my heart as my first love, my first everything. You just can’t forget those, even if you try. Lastly, I would let him know that despite everything that has gone on between us in the past if he EVER needed someone, a friend, I’d be there for him as best I could. We went through a lot of things as a couple and we stuck by each others sides. Differences pulled us apart, but I really do hope that one day we can be at least friends again.
I’d let him know that he is always in my prayers and that I wish nothing but the Best for him.