A Reflection of 2017

As 2017 comes to a close I couldn’t help but to sit back and reminisce on my year. I am pleased to say that I am a very blessed individual. It took me a long time to realize that where life lacked in some way, God showed up and filled the void a thousand times over. I have so many family members and friends that believe in me and support me through so much. Without them, I honestly don’t think I would have made it as far as I have in my  journey to obtaining a Nursing degree. I use to say I was happy but on the inside I always felt like something was missing, but now, in this moment, going into 2018, I feel so full. Full of life and genuinely happy. God has shown up in so many ways and my only 2018 goal is to get back in to a regular church attending routine. I have already taken the preliminary steps to ensure I stick to that. 2017 was a year of learning my priorities and what order they need to be in. 2017 is the year of saving and of continuing not to allow others take away my happiness. As I sit here and look back, so much has happened this year and I am so thankful to have experienced these memories this year: taking the Presidency position in Delta Alpha Sigma, receiving a scholarship for my leadership efforts within Fraternity and Sorority Life, being inducted into a Greek Honor’s Society, managing to keep my grades up while juggling a full time job, full time education and Presidency, and the list goes on. This year I was also blessed to travel to 2 new places and I am at awe at how beautiful this Earth is. I can’t wait to see where 2018 takes me. I can’t forget that I also had the ability to get myself a new car this year and that is one of my greatest achievements. I am so blessed, thankful, and proud to have such an amazing family and group of friends surrounding me. I am honored to start the new year with them. OF course 2017 had its lows, but overall I would say I had a great time. I’m excited to start the new year with someone new and very special to me. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us but I am thankful God allowed our paths to cross. I am excited to see His plans for us. I am choosing to go in to 2018 with a happy look on life. Always remember that everything happens for a reason. God Bless and Happy New Year!

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Could it be?

Coming out of a relationship you feel like you will never love again. That person was your whole world and you opened up to them and shared your deepest sentiments. Love is such a weird concept to me. You open yourself up to someone not knowing if they are in your future. Your first love teaches you so many things, but for many that love never lasts. That, I think is what scares me the most. You love people and you let down your walls and share this raw information and of things don’t work out and y’all depart ways, there is this person out there that knows you and will always have that information about you. Coming from the rocky relationship that I did it taught me many things. I thought that that was how love was supposed to be and I truly believed that would be who I was ti marry one day. I am extremely thankful that God opened my eyes. Leaving it I never thought I would find someone that lived up to my now higher standards. Entering college single was a great thing though because it has really allowed me to find myself and realize what I want. It helped me figure out what I liked and didn’t like.  Being patient isn’t always easy but when you give time a chance to do its thing the things you never expect to happen in life, do. I encourage you to go out of your typical “type” because the person you least expect to sweep you off your feet is waiting there. I am not sure what the future holds but I hope that it has him in it. I can sense the connection between us and I feel as if he is going to be the one to show me what real love is all about. Not perfect but real. Know the difference. The fact that we have so many things in common scares me because it makes me like him that much more. Often we don’t understand in the moment why we are being put through something. Trusting in GOD has been one of the best things I could have ever done and lately the Lord has been showing me blessings on blessings. I do not know where this is going, but I hope that I can trust again and let down my guard. All of this was to say that you can’t hold on to things God wants you to let go of. Doing so only hurts you more. I learned this the hard way but as soon as I realized, I started to live. I realized that God was going to find send someone one thousand times better. I have to trust that if this is God’s plan He will work it out and I know that He will take care of the situation.

“One of the Hardest Things to do in Life, is Having to Let go of what you Thought was Real.”

I know what it is like to be head over heels in love for someone.I know what it is like to be so in love for someone you forget what it’s like to be yourself. I what it’s like knowing you would do anything, be anything just at the thought of making that person happy. When I was younger, I ALWAYS told myself I would NEVER let a guy cause me tears. That all changes when you find your first love. You feel as if they are the only person in the world that could ever make you happy. Every young girl thinks they will forever remain with this guy that is many, many times just a chapter in their book of life. Often times what you don’t realize is one day, you are going to wake up and things will be different.They won’t look at you the same. They won’t love you the same. They won’t act the same.They won’t be interested anymore. Things will become different. No matter how bad you want to believe that things aren’t different or how many times you want to lie to yourself to make yourself stay, things aren’t going to get any better. I know everyone must go through a heartbreak at one point in life or another, but it is nothing like experiencing it for yourself. Going through a heartbreak is like literal physical pain, it hurts. It hurts. Every day you just want to return back to the person you were pre-relationship and no matter what anyone tells you nothing seems to make the pain subside. I seriously don’t wish a heartbreak on my worst enemy. Now that my heart is healing and it doesn’t hurt to hear his name or see his face anymore. It feels good to know that I find myself realizing I haven’t thought about him once in months, that is a sign that it has passed and I am moving on and it feels so great. Now that I know what it feels like to be broken I try my hardest to help those experiencing it. I try to let them know that in time all wounds will be healed. I know that no words help, but I just want them to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Now that I am out of the relationship I can now see how unhealthy it was for me. Even though he never physically hurt me he hurt me in so many other ways. He did not treat me how I should have been treated and He definitely did not treat me how I would want my husband to treat me. God gave us a lesson on love and how love should feel and what love should look like and often times we get so caught up in a relationship we forget that. If you are constantly having to wonder if someone loves you or wants to be with you, you are definitely in the wrong relationship. I questioned my morals and I made decisions I otherwise would not have made had I not been in a relationship. i can’t dwell on mistakes, but can only learn that God crossed my path with my ex so that I could see the wrong person and be ready for the right person He is going to send to me. I didn’t see it then, but I see it now. God is so good and He will never steer you wrong. Trust in Him and He will always take care of you. So if you are currently in a bad relationship, going through a heartbreak, or feeling like there is no way to move forward, know that in time you will see that God is looking after you. He will not leave you. Continue to pray for guidance, especially in relationships. It is better to have room in your relationship for God so that the Devil doesn’t make way and end it with divorce. Unfortunately, I had to learn this the hard way, but now I know. With God, all things will work out in the right timing with the right people.