In my life, I have only ever had a major crush on 3 people and one of those ended up being my boyfriend the other 2 did not end well. My problem is is once I get feelings for someone, it is hard for me to hold back. I fall head first and fast. So many people tell me to not get my hopes over people without being for sure but it is hard. I give my all immediately hoping that they will do the same. If they show interest in me it is ten times worse because I give myself false hope. Hoping that they too with reciprocate the feelings I have for them. Once I allow myself to catch feelings for someone It is really hard for me to let them go. Especially if I thought something was actually going to happen between the 2 of us. It is hard for me not to be so caring because I have such a huge heart. I always tend to fall for the guys who aren’t worth my time, too. I don’t know why it just always happens. This time, I feel it was the worst because He had everything that I look for in a guy (nice physique, smart, a good career and future, ambition, goals, etc.). I ignored all the warning signs people gave me and allowed my heart to get attached to someone who lives to play girls. I knew from the very beginning to be careful with these types of guys because 9 times out of 10 they are too good to be true. He may have had all those things that I mentioned, but he lacked chivalry, how to treat a lady, how NOT to be a whore, you know all the things that also make you boyfriend material. He is definitely one of those guys that looks for the hot girl at the party who has had a little to drink and works his charm to get her to make out with him and hopefully, in his favor, the bedroom. He does not give a damn about her feelings at all. He may try to act like a friend, but that is just one of the many things to “whoo” her. Every time this is about to happen I tell myself “don’t you do it, you will be disappointed” and each time that I failed to listen to my gut instinct I get hurt. I think I wanted so badly to get into a relationship so that I could not worry about my ex and how he has moved on in life and I’m still single. I wanted to post pictures with a really hot guy so that people would show him and he would see that I am way better off without him. I know I don’t need a guy to know that I am better off without my ex, but I just didn’t want to be alone. I miss having someone to connect with on that different level than you do with friends. Revenge is not always the best medicine. Sometimes it causes you to get hurt instead of hurting the person you intended to. Lesson learned. I can’t keep allowing myself to be that vulnerable girl that falls too easy. I am working on that. I just need to realize I need to learn to live 100% and be happy with being single and when I least expect it a guy will come along. In a way, I am at this point but I admit I am not there 100% just yet. I know this feeling of hurt will go away soon regarding this new guy and things will return to normal and it will be a thing of the past. I just don’t want to allow myself to be hurt over someone who isn’t worth it. You live and you learn…
To be a girl with high standards and morals, like myself, in this generation is extremely difficult. The sad thing is you can not blame just one sex for this either. On one hand, you have girls who will do anything, say anything, and give into anything if it means she doesn’t have to be alone. I have seen time and time again, girls give guys the benefits before they actually perform the work. They then wonder why the guy will not respect them or treat them right. You then have some guys who think every girl is easy and that at the snap of their fingers a girl will climb in bed with them and that, quite frankly, is the saddest thing. The there are girls who have standards and morals who get pushed to the side because like why would a guy want to work for something they can easily get from the next girl who is willing to put out? It is a neverending cycle. You can not put all the blame on the guys either. You have these good, genuine guys who really want a good loyal girl, but they get played by a girl and that makes them change their ways and become like the guy that I described above. Drake describes the males and females of this generation in his song, Doing It Wrong, perfectly ” We live in a generation of not being in love and not being together, but we sure make it feel like we’re together.” In this day and age, we have invented a stage called “talking” and it basically is a time where you “get to know” each other and decide if they are potentially what you want to pursue. Often times though individuals, girl or guy, will string someone along without any intention of moving forward with them, all the while they are entertain others. This, in my opinion, is a waste of time and is so very wrong. My thing is, is if you don’t want to move forward with someone, LET THEM KNOW. Don’t just lead them on or worse don’t just disappear out of nowhere with no explanation what so ever. This is a huge pet peeve of mine. Like dang, I don’t even deserve an explanation at the least? For all of these reasons, I am single. I choose to not allow myself to lower my standards so that a guy will want to be with me. In my mind, it doesn’t and shouldn’t work that way. A guy would and should work for something he wants. Sometimes, I become very frustrated at the patience I must endure waiting for the right guy. Girls should want date someone they see potential in and with. Why waste time being with someone when you know you are with them just because you don’t want to be alone? Like, just no. This generation is so caught up in things like “Netflix and Chill” they don’t want morals to get in their way. It’s hard to be a girl with morals and standards in a generation filled with individuals who could care less what their reputation looks like. I know not everyone is like that, but the ones who are, they are the ones ruining it for the rest of us. I will patiently wait for the right one. I know what I deserve and I refuse to settle for anything less. You should too.
I believe that everyone struggles with many things and that for sure is true for me as well. One thing though that I would say is really hard for me is looking at the photos of others lives and wishing I was as happy as they are. They seem to look so overly happy in their photos so happy and in love. It is hard sometimes to see people have something that you wish yo had. I know they say that love will come when you least expect it so focus on something else, but this is very hard for me to do. All I want is to love and be loved in return. How others look in their photos isn’t the whole true story and I know that but sometimes yo can’t help but wish that you were in that place again. Whenever I start feeling this way or making myself feel this way for that matter by looking at others lives, it makes me start missing my ex, bleh. I do so well on any other day but days like these I miss it. Having someone who loved me and made me feel wanted. Often others do this too, compare themselves to others, and it only makes us feel bad about ourselves. Even if it’s not the love category maybe it’s how pretty they appear or all the “fun” they have on social media. Everyone has their behind the scenes that aren’t portrayed on social media. If we continue to compare our behind the scenes to others’ highlight reel we will always want to be someone who we are not and never see our own true beauty. I try to remind myself of this and you too must remember that not anyone’s life is as wonderful all the time as it may seem on Instagram or Facebook.
If I was ever given the chance to talk to my ex again, I’d first start by apologizing. Not because I think the ending of the relationship was all my fault but that I now realize that there were some things that I could have changed to have been a better girlfriend. I’d also apologize for bad mouthing him during the process of healing. My ex-boyfriend was by no means perfect and he didn’t treat me as he should have, but he was not horrible either. I did have some great memories with him as well. I’d apologize for all the things I said in anger and the things I said during fights to put him down. I regret that so much.
Another thing I would tell him was that even though I am over him and don’t think I’d ever date him again, I miss him so much. I miss him as a person, as my best friend. Before we dated we were SUCH great friends. We would spend so much time together and he would make me laugh for hours. He was so sweet and despite our differences in the relationship he was a really great friend. I miss that friendship so much. Having a guy’s perspective on things and being comfortable with telling him anything and everything. I miss Friday nights after football games where the football players and the cheerleaders would go for pizza and hang out. It was the best of times.
If given the chance I would tell him to keep his head up and stay motivated because he could seriously do anything he put his mind to and it would be a shame to have that ambition wasted. I would tell him to not be discouraged by the world who constantly tells young adults they will amount to nothing if they don’t conform to the mold society cut out for us. I would make sure he knew that I hope he was doing well and continues to do so. I’d hope he would know that no matter what he would always have a place in my heart as my first love, my first everything. You just can’t forget those, even if you try. Lastly, I would let him know that despite everything that has gone on between us in the past if he EVER needed someone, a friend, I’d be there for him as best I could. We went through a lot of things as a couple and we stuck by each others sides. Differences pulled us apart, but I really do hope that one day we can be at least friends again.
I’d let him know that he is always in my prayers and that I wish nothing but the Best for him.
Man reading is one of the things I really enjoy doing. To escape into a lovely story. To become a character and be in “their” world. It’s one of my all time favorites. Unfortunately, since I started college I have not been able to read as much as I like, but I hope to pick reading back up soon. As for a favorite book, that is such a hard question. There have been so many books that have changed my life and way of thinking. It is so hard to choose just one. My favorite genre of books includes: mystery novels, thrillers, crime stories, and love stories. Any type of fiction book within these is sure to entice me and pull me in. Usually when I get into a book I really love I am set for the night, not wanting to put it down. I will read a whole book in one night if I allow myself. One book I love that I will name is the Bible. Obviously because this book is the instruction to our life and the healing to our pain. The answer to our questions and doubts. F. Scott Fitzgerald and Steven King are a few authors I find myself reading the most.
Something I am passionate about would have to be helping others. Like I said in yesterday’s post, there really is nothing better than seeing the smile on someone’s face after you have done something nice for them or helped them out. I feel that ever since I was younger I have always had a servant’s heart. I always want to help someone out and I never expect anything in return. Sometimes I find that it really lets me down when I can’t help someone in need. In situations that I have been through it only makes me want to help the person even more. “Measuring life by what others do for us may disappoint, but measuring life by what we do for others will add more meaning to our lives.” The human race is a race that will let you down left and right. Not everyone will want to do as much for you as you for them and focusing on this can cause you lose happiness. Instead, do for others as much as you can. Helping others can add happiness to your life. Not only will helping others make you happier it will also leave an impact on the world. This is something I want to do. I hope to be remembered by someone who always put others before myself. I strive to be selfless instead of selfish. Sometimes it can be hard to do but I try. I’ll leave with this quote-
I’m going to attempt to stick to this 30-day writing challenge. I hope that I can get back here every day for a month lol. I first saw this on Pinterest and thought why not? It will give me an opportunity to write about different things. I hope you all enjoy!
5 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART-
Number 1: I would have to say THE MOST Important is someone who is so full of the Holy Spirit. In this day and age, you have these mediocre Christians who say they believe and follow God but do nothing to show it. Now I am not judging anyone because even I am not perfect. I fail God daily. I want to marry someone who lives for God or tries his hardest to. Someone who encourages me daily to continue on my walk with God even though it can get rough. I want a family who knows that we aim to serve Jesus and live out His Will and Purpose. I now in an earlier post I mentioned getting my life back on track with God because I had backslidden. I am still struggling with this and this is still in process. I say this because I don’t expect the guy to be perfect by any means because again no one is. I just want to know that God made him especially for me and that the marriage will be based on the one true love; Christ.
Number 2: “If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.” This is one of my favorite quotes and it is so so true. To win my heart over you don’t have to be hilariously funny or anything, you just have to make me laugh and laugh often. Multiple times a day. Sometimes until my stomach hurts. This is one of my favorite things. To laugh. So a guy who makes me laugh will have me head over heals in love for sure. Now this isn’t the only thing, though. Don’t think that if a guy makes me laugh I’ll instantly fall for him. This is just a factor. When I am laughing I sometimes think just how much I adore the person who is making me laugh and this would be true for a guy as well. I want laughter flowing through my walls at home more than anger and yelling or arguing.
Number 3: After being in a relationship where saying what you mean and meaning what you say wasn’t important, it made me realize just how much loving with actions is important to me. So this brings me to number 3. I want someone who will not only express their love in words but also more importantly in their actions. Actions speak so much more loudly than words no matter what you say. They do. With this being said, I do not mean that they have to buy me gifts constantly or spend excessive amounts of money on me for that matter. A simple cute note on my bathroom mirror one random morning, a surprise phone call in the middle of the day just to say “I Love You,” a picnic on a Saturday afternoon, a walk in the park. Stuff like this. It can be free, it can be $10. All I care about is that you thought of me and wanted me to know. Make me feel special. Let me know every once in while that you are still just as in love with me as you were the first time you realized you were in love with me. Don’t make me wonder if you love me or not. I don’t want to wander, okay I been there done that.
Number 4: If you know me you know that I am very big on family. I am very family oriented and I love to spend time with my family. A guy who loves his family will definitely catch my attention. A guy who would win my heart would be one who puts his family first and finds them important. He also should respect his momma. How a guy treats his mom is a very good insight to how he will eventually treat you. Also, if a guy finds his family important, when it comes time to start a family of your own you know he will find importance in that family as well. I love my family dysfunctional and all and to find someone who also loves family will make me so happy.
Number 5: As servant heart is the last thing I’d have to say for this list. I love to help others. The feeling of helping those in need knowing you will not receive anything in return is so heartwarming. I love to see the faces of people who I help. I always try to be as selfless as possible and lend a helping hand to all those who need it. Somebody who puts others before themselves would have my heart in knots over him. I want to serve together as husband and wife. I strive to leave a positive mark on the world by helping others and to marry someone who shares this goal would be amazing because we could share it together. To make someone else happy makes me happy.
So there you have it 5 ways to win my heart. These are not the only things to win me over because like I said there are so many ways, but these are some of the most important to me.
When someone brings up the topic of sororities people automatically think stuck up girls who party their college tuition away, have purging obsessions to be skinny, and just pay to have friends. A year ago I would have agreed with these thoughts because honestly, I thought the same thing. Joining a sorority or being a part of something this crazy was not something I ever dreamed of doing. When I heard the word sorority I thought of a rich, white girl who was stuck up and only wore the best designer clothes. Now, a member of a wonderful sisterhood, all these things are just stereotypes. When I started my college career I was introduced to the greek life and what it REALLY entailed. Being a part of something this wonderful has added so many positive things to my life in the short time I have been a sister. Yes, I did gain a lot of friends by becoming a member, but that is just one of the many plusses of the greek life. I do not have to spend hundreds of dollars on a book or a wasted class because I can now ask a sister to borrow her book or how this professor is and whether I should drop or take this class. A sorority allows you to have the advice of 100s of girls. You have people to mentor you and look after you. You have some sisters that you are closer to than others and these sisters are your future bridesmaids, future godmothers to your children, and so many other things. After being a member for almost a year now I couldn’t have been happier deciding to make the decision to join. I was very reluctant at first because it was against everything I thought but I am so glad now I decided to try it. Being a part of greek life also pushes you out of your comfort zone, which is something I desperately needed to do. You meet so many people and you have so many ties. This will help me with future jobs as well as many other things. They say to make your college years worth it and I seriously believe that this decision will. I am so excited to see what the future holds for me as a part of the greek life. My life in this community has just started and I can already feel myself becoming a bigger and better person because of it. Being in a Sorority allows you to learn more about yourself and become the person you are meant to be. I feel I can be myself without being judged. Being a part if a sisterhood allows you to learn to deal and compromise with different opinions and agree on a situation. You learn to work with others and make decisions for a group. It really is a rewarding part of my life.
“Their half my soul and half my heart, without my sisters, I’d fall apart.”
I remember in 7th grade, for the first time, I went to a church because I wanted to. I wanted to become closer to God. I remember getting saved and I remember the day I was baptized. Through 7th and 8th grade, my love and fire for God grew and was steadfast. I knew that God was with me and that even though I failed Him daily, He was always by my side. I was so in love with the Father and I was so excited to go worship Him and serve Him. I loved going to church and looked forward to it. I wasn’t perfect, but every day I tried my hardest to live for Him and live like a child of the Father should. It is crazy that as I look back I can’t remember when this routine stopped or when going to church became a burden. Every day it seemed as if not much changed but as I am looking back now I realize just how far from Him I have gotten. One day I stopped living for Him and I started living for myself. I did not read my Bible and going to church was something I resented. I would make excuse after excuse as to why I wasn’t going to go or why I didn’t think I had to attend. I let the world and my life get in the way of my relationship with my creator. Now I am in such of a bad habit to not live like a child of God, it is hard for me to revert back to the way I was. I have backslidden and it is bad. I am at a point where I forget to even pray. This is not where I meant to ever be. Once you get started though the Devil gets you rolling and loving the things of the world. I let having a boyfriend stop me from being close to my savior. I let school and work and life, get in the way. I have tried getting back into the habit of living for the father only to immediately go back to doing worldly things. One can not love both the father and the world. It is not possible and that is what I am learning from this experience. I want so badly to be back in the arms of the Father. I want this to be a step towards better days. I need to find a church to call home again and to ask for forgiveness from the creator. It is very hard to live the life that God wants and expects us to, but He has promised everlasting life to those who accept and obey His commands. You can search for love in many places; a boy, sex, alcohol but you will only find the love you are searching for in the father. Starting now I want to begin a journey back to Jesus and living for him. I need to stop living a worldly life and I especially need to rid my heart of the hate it has for certain people. I need to ask for forgiveness and in return also forgive those who have hurt me. This is my wake up call. If anyone reads this please please pray for me. I really need the strength to keep going and to return to the Christian that I am supposed to be. God, come into my heart and change it. Break it for what breaks yours. Help me to be the Salt and the Light of the World. Help me to pray often and to live out your will.