Catching up on this (now, not so) 30 Day Writing Challenge- Something I Struggle With

I believe that everyone struggles with many things and that for sure is true for me as well. One thing though that I would say is really hard for me is looking at the photos of others lives and wishing I was as happy as they are. They seem to look so overly happy in their photos so happy and in love. It is hard sometimes to see people have something that you wish yo had. I know they say that love will come when you least expect it so focus on something else, but this is very hard for me to do. All I want is to love and be loved in return. How others look in their photos isn’t the whole true story and I know that but sometimes yo can’t help but wish that you were in that place again. Whenever I start feeling this way or making myself feel this way for that matter by looking at others lives, it makes me start missing my ex, bleh. I do so well on any other day but days like these I miss it. Having someone who loved me and made me feel wanted. Often others do this too, compare themselves to others, and it only makes us feel bad about ourselves. Even if it’s not the love category maybe it’s how pretty they appear or all the “fun” they have on social media. Everyone has their behind the scenes that aren’t portrayed on social media. If we continue to compare our behind the scenes to others’ highlight reel we will always want to be someone who we are not and never see our own true beauty. I try to remind myself of this and you too must remember that not anyone’s life is as wonderful all the time as it may seem on Instagram or Facebook.

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 4: Things You Want To Say To An Ex

If I was ever given the chance to talk to my ex again, I’d first start by apologizing. Not because I think the ending of the relationship was all my fault but that I now realize that there were some things that I could have changed to have been a better girlfriend. I’d also apologize for bad mouthing him during the process of healing. My ex-boyfriend was by no means perfect and he didn’t treat me as he should have, but he was not horrible either. I did have some great memories with him as well. I’d apologize for all the things I said in anger and the things I said during fights to put him down. I regret that so much.

Another thing I would tell him was that even though I am over him and don’t think I’d ever date him again, I miss him so much. I miss him as a person, as my best friend. Before we dated we were SUCH great friends. We would spend so much time together and he would make me laugh for hours. He was so sweet and despite our differences in the relationship he was a really great friend. I miss that friendship so much. Having a guy’s perspective on things and being comfortable with telling him anything and everything. I miss Friday nights after football games where the football players and the cheerleaders would go for pizza and hang out. It was the best of times.

If given the chance I would tell him to keep his head up and stay motivated because he could seriously do anything he put his mind to and it would be a shame to have that ambition wasted. I would tell him to not be discouraged by the world who constantly tells young adults they will amount to nothing if they don’t conform to the mold society cut out for us. I would make sure he knew that I hope he was doing well and continues to do so. I’d hope he would know that no matter what he would always have a place in my heart as my first love, my first everything. You just can’t forget those, even if you try. Lastly, I would let him know that despite everything that has gone on between us in the past if he EVER needed someone, a friend, I’d be there for him as best I could. We went through a lot of things as a couple and we stuck by each others sides. Differences pulled us apart, but I really do hope that one day we can be at least friends again.

I’d let him know that he is always in my prayers and that I wish nothing but the Best for him.

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 3: A Book You Love

Man reading is one of the things I really enjoy doing. To escape into a lovely story. To become a character and be in “their” world. It’s one of my all time favorites. Unfortunately, since I started college I have not been able to read as much as I like, but I hope to pick reading back up soon. As for a favorite book, that is such a hard question. There have been so many books that have changed my life and way of thinking. It is so hard to choose just one. My favorite genre of books includes: mystery novels, thrillers, crime stories, and love stories. Any type of fiction book within these is sure to entice me and pull me in. Usually when I get into a book I really love I am set for the night, not wanting to put it down. I will read a whole book in one night if I allow myself. One book I love that I will name is the Bible. Obviously because this book is the instruction to our life and the healing to our pain. The answer to our questions and doubts. F. Scott Fitzgerald and Steven King are a few authors I find myself reading the most. tumblr_nhdllzbf7B1u72ljqo1_500

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 2: Something I Am Passionate About

Something I am passionate about would have to be helping others. Like I said in yesterday’s post, there really is nothing better than seeing the smile on someone’s face after you have done something nice for them or helped them out. I feel that ever since I was younger I have always had a servant’s heart. I always want to help someone out and I never expect anything in return. Sometimes I find that it really lets me down when I can’t help someone in need. In situations that I have been through it only makes me want to help the person even more. “Measuring life by what others do for us may disappoint, but measuring life by what we do for others will add more meaning to our lives.” The human race is a race that will let you down left and right. Not everyone will want to do as much for you as you for them and focusing on this can cause you lose happiness. Instead, do for others as much as you can. Helping others can add happiness to your life. Not only will helping others make you happier it will also leave an impact on the world. This is something I want to do. I hope to be remembered by someone who always put others before myself. I strive to be selfless instead of selfish. Sometimes it can be hard to do but I try. I’ll leave with this quote- download

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 1: 5 Ways to Win My Heart

I’m going to attempt to stick to this 30-day writing challenge. I hope that I can get back here every day for a month lol. I first saw this on Pinterest and thought why not? It will give me an opportunity to write about different things. I hope you all enjoy!

5 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART-

Number 1: I would have to say THE MOST Important is someone who is so full of the Holy Spirit. In this day and age, you have these mediocre Christians who say they believe and follow God but do nothing to show it. Now I am not judging anyone because even I am not perfect. I fail God daily. I want to marry someone who lives for God or tries his hardest to. Someone who encourages me daily to continue on my walk with God even though it can get rough. I want a family who knows that we aim to serve Jesus and live out His Will and Purpose. I now in an earlier post I mentioned getting my life back on track with God because I had backslidden. I am still struggling with this and this is still in process. I say this because I don’t expect the guy to be perfect by any means because again no one is. I just want to know that God made him especially for me and that the marriage will be based on the one true love; Christ.

Number 2: “If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.” This is one of my favorite quotes and it is so so true. To win my heart over you don’t have to be hilariously funny or anything, you just have to make me laugh and laugh often. Multiple times a day. Sometimes until my stomach hurts. This is one of my favorite things. To laugh. So a guy who makes me laugh will have me head over heals in love for sure. Now this isn’t the only thing, though. Don’t think that if a guy makes me laugh I’ll instantly fall for him. This is just a factor. When I am laughing I sometimes think just how much I adore the person who is making me laugh and this would be true for a guy as well. I want laughter flowing through my walls at home more than anger and yelling or arguing.

Number 3: After being in a relationship where saying what you mean and meaning what you say wasn’t important, it made me realize just how much loving with actions is important to me. So this brings me to number 3. I want someone who will not only express their love in words but also more importantly in their actions. Actions speak so much more loudly than words no matter what you say. They do. With this being said, I do not mean that they have to buy me gifts constantly or spend excessive amounts of money on me for that matter. A simple cute note on my bathroom mirror one random morning, a surprise phone call in the middle of the day just to say “I Love You,” a picnic on a Saturday afternoon, a walk in the park. Stuff like this. It can be free, it can be $10. All I care about is that you thought of me and wanted me to know. Make me feel special. Let me know every once in while that you are still just as in love with me as you were the first time you realized you were in love with me. Don’t make me wonder if you love me or not. I don’t want to wander, okay I been there done that.

Number 4: If you know me you know that I am very big on family. I am very family oriented and I love to spend time with my family. A guy who loves his family will definitely catch my attention. A guy who would win my heart would be one who puts his family first and finds them important. He also should respect his momma. How a guy treats his mom is a very good insight to how he will eventually treat you. Also, if a guy finds his family important, when it comes time to start a family of your own you know he will find importance in that family as well. I love my family dysfunctional and all and to find someone who also loves family will make me so happy.

Number 5: As servant heart is the last thing I’d have to say for this list. I love to help others. The feeling of helping those in need knowing you will not receive anything in return is so heartwarming. I love to see the faces of people who I help. I always try to be as selfless as possible and lend a helping hand to all those who need it. Somebody who puts others before themselves would have my heart in knots over him. I want to serve together as husband and wife. I strive to leave a positive mark on the world by helping others and to marry someone who shares this goal would be amazing because we could share it together. To make someone else happy makes me happy.

So there you have it 5 ways to win my heart. These are not the only things to win me over because like I said there are so many ways, but these are some of the most important to me.

Killing that Sorority Girl Stereotype

When someone brings up the topic of sororities people automatically think stuck up girls who party their college tuition away, have purging obsessions to be skinny, and just pay to have friends. A year ago I would have agreed with these thoughts because honestly, I thought the same thing. Joining a sorority or being a part of something this crazy was not something I ever dreamed of doing. When I heard the word sorority I thought of a rich, white girl who was stuck up and only wore the best designer clothes. Now, a member of a wonderful sisterhood, all these things are just stereotypes. When I started my college career I was introduced to the greek life and what it REALLY entailed. Being a part of something this wonderful has added so many positive things to my life in the short time I have been a sister. Yes, I did gain a lot of friends by becoming a member, but that is just one of the many plusses of the greek life. I do not have to spend hundreds of dollars on a book or a wasted class because I can now ask a sister to borrow her book or how this professor is and whether I should drop or take this class. A sorority allows you to have the advice of 100s of girls. You have people to mentor you and look after you. You have some sisters that you are closer to than others and these sisters are your future bridesmaids, future godmothers to your children, and so many other things. After being a member for almost a year now I couldn’t have been happier deciding to make the decision to join. I was very reluctant at first because it was against everything I thought but I am so glad now I decided to try it. Being a part of greek life also pushes you out of your comfort zone, which is something I desperately needed to do. You meet so many people and you have so many ties. This will help me with future jobs as well as many other things. They say to make your college years worth it and I seriously believe that this decision will. I am so excited to see what the future holds for me as a part of the greek life. My life in this community has just started and I can already feel myself becoming a bigger and better person because of it. Being in a Sorority allows you to learn more about yourself and become the person you are meant to be. I feel I can be myself without being judged. Being a part if a sisterhood allows you to learn to deal and compromise with different opinions and agree on a situation. You learn to work with others and make decisions for a group. It really is a rewarding part of my life.

“Their half my soul and half my heart, without my sisters, I’d fall apart.”

“I’ve tasted and seen, of the sweetest of loves Where my heart becomes free, and my shame is undone”

I remember in 7th grade, for the first time, I went to a church because I wanted to. I wanted to become closer to God. I remember getting saved and I remember the day I was baptized. Through 7th and 8th grade, my love and fire for God grew and was steadfast. I knew that God was with me and that even though I failed Him daily, He was always by my side. I was so in love with the Father and I was so excited to go worship Him and serve Him. I loved going to church and looked forward to it. I wasn’t perfect, but every day I tried my hardest to live for Him and live like a child of the Father should. It is crazy that as I look back I can’t remember when this routine stopped or when going to church became a burden. Every day it seemed as if not much changed but as I am looking back now I realize just how far from Him I have gotten. One day I stopped living for Him and I started living for myself. I did not read my Bible and going to church was something I resented. I would make excuse after excuse as to why I wasn’t going to go or why I didn’t think I had to attend. I let the world and my life get in the way of my relationship with my creator. Now I am in such of a bad habit to not live like a child of God, it is hard for me to revert back to the way I was. I have backslidden and it is bad. I am at a point where I forget to even pray. This is not where I meant to ever be. Once you get started though the Devil gets you rolling and loving the things of the world. I let having a boyfriend stop me from being close to my savior. I let school and work and life, get in the way. I have tried getting back into the habit of living for the father only to immediately go back to doing worldly things. One can not love both the father and the world. It is not possible and that is what I am learning from this experience. I want so badly to be back in the arms of the Father. I want this to be a step towards better days. I need to find a church to call home again and to ask for forgiveness from the creator. It is very hard to live the life that God wants and expects us to, but He has promised everlasting life to those who accept and obey His commands. You can search for love in many places; a boy, sex, alcohol but you will only find the love you are searching for in the father. Starting now I want to begin a journey back to Jesus and living for him. I need to stop living a worldly life and I especially need to rid my heart of the hate it has for certain people. I need to ask for forgiveness and in return also forgive those who have hurt me. This is my wake up call. If anyone reads this please please pray for me. I really need the strength to keep going and to return to the Christian that I am supposed to be. God, come into my heart and change it. Break it for what breaks yours. Help me to be the Salt and the Light of the World. Help me to pray often and to live out your will.

Freshman Year of College Down!

I have officially finished my freshman year of college and I couldn’t be more proud of myself. I did it I made it through year 1! It is crazy to think that a year ago I was preparing to graduate from high school and I was scared out of mind as to what the next chapter of my life held for me. My first day of college was so nerve wracking and I seriously thought it was going to be so hard to adjust. Boy, was I wrong though! The first day I met 2 really great friends who I have a feeling will remain in my life forever. We had many classes together for the Fall semester and for Spring semester we had lunch once a week to catch up since, unfortunately, we didn’t have any classes together this semester. I will not play and try to make college seem easy because it is not. I have worked harder this school year than I have ever in my life. Many hours were dedicated to school which, sorry, is why I haven’t been posting as much. I am proud to have accomplished so much in a year. I can already feel myself maturing. I can not believe how fast it went either. I also am so glad I made the decision to join such an amazing sisterhood, DAS. This group of girls has definitely made my freshman year so memorable. College opens up so many opportunities for a person and I am so excited to see what the next few years on this journey are like. I can already tell the road to my first degree is going to be a blast. I can not wait to build memories with the many people who joined my life this past year and also with those I have yet to meet. This is just the beginning. Sophomore year is going to be even better. I am aiming for success and I always want to strive to be a better me than I was the day before. I only hope to leave a positive impression on the world. This all begins with a great education. So all the long nights and hours of studying I know will pay off. I will continue to push myself to become a better person every day. It is because of God that I am who I am. “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.” -Phil. 4:13

“One of the Hardest Things to do in Life, is Having to Let go of what you Thought was Real.”

I know what it is like to be head over heels in love for someone.I know what it is like to be so in love for someone you forget what it’s like to be yourself. I what it’s like knowing you would do anything, be anything just at the thought of making that person happy. When I was younger, I ALWAYS told myself I would NEVER let a guy cause me tears. That all changes when you find your first love. You feel as if they are the only person in the world that could ever make you happy. Every young girl thinks they will forever remain with this guy that is many, many times just a chapter in their book of life. Often times what you don’t realize is one day, you are going to wake up and things will be different.They won’t look at you the same. They won’t love you the same. They won’t act the same.They won’t be interested anymore. Things will become different. No matter how bad you want to believe that things aren’t different or how many times you want to lie to yourself to make yourself stay, things aren’t going to get any better. I know everyone must go through a heartbreak at one point in life or another, but it is nothing like experiencing it for yourself. Going through a heartbreak is like literal physical pain, it hurts. It hurts. Every day you just want to return back to the person you were pre-relationship and no matter what anyone tells you nothing seems to make the pain subside. I seriously don’t wish a heartbreak on my worst enemy. Now that my heart is healing and it doesn’t hurt to hear his name or see his face anymore. It feels good to know that I find myself realizing I haven’t thought about him once in months, that is a sign that it has passed and I am moving on and it feels so great. Now that I know what it feels like to be broken I try my hardest to help those experiencing it. I try to let them know that in time all wounds will be healed. I know that no words help, but I just want them to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Now that I am out of the relationship I can now see how unhealthy it was for me. Even though he never physically hurt me he hurt me in so many other ways. He did not treat me how I should have been treated and He definitely did not treat me how I would want my husband to treat me. God gave us a lesson on love and how love should feel and what love should look like and often times we get so caught up in a relationship we forget that. If you are constantly having to wonder if someone loves you or wants to be with you, you are definitely in the wrong relationship. I questioned my morals and I made decisions I otherwise would not have made had I not been in a relationship. i can’t dwell on mistakes, but can only learn that God crossed my path with my ex so that I could see the wrong person and be ready for the right person He is going to send to me. I didn’t see it then, but I see it now. God is so good and He will never steer you wrong. Trust in Him and He will always take care of you. So if you are currently in a bad relationship, going through a heartbreak, or feeling like there is no way to move forward, know that in time you will see that God is looking after you. He will not leave you. Continue to pray for guidance, especially in relationships. It is better to have room in your relationship for God so that the Devil doesn’t make way and end it with divorce. Unfortunately, I had to learn this the hard way, but now I know. With God, all things will work out in the right timing with the right people.