“I was a Museum full of art, but you had your eyes closed.”

I have been really pondering lately why I find you so intriguing. Why can’t i seem to shake you? Is it because I see you or hear of you often that you are put on my mind? Is it because I can’t 100% cut you off so you would just be out of sight out of mind? I find it that the harder I try to move past you, the more profound your presence becomes in my life. You will go away for awhile and I’ll start to forget about you, but then you show up somewhere and spark a conversation with me. You will randomly text me, late at night ( for a booty call I’m sure), to put yourself on my mind. Its like guys know exactly when a girl is over them and its then that they start exerting their attention again to keep us around. To keep us close, just not THAT close. You see, the thing is I’m at a point where I don’t know if guys are into me or of they are just trying to keep me around as an option. I wish I really wish I could be more of a bitch because then maybe guys would think twice before trying to use me. The thing that angers me the most is that you KNOW that I am a nice person and wouldn’t ever intentionally hurt anyone. You take advantage of me and know that I will never 100% shake you or turn you away or cut you off or forget you. I’m starting to lose hope. Starting to want to lower my standards because it is so tiring to be this high standard, wifey material woman and get left behind because I am “intimidating” or scare guys away because I’m the serious type. I am to the point of exhaustion where sometimes  I contemplate just becoming a person who is easy to obtain or get with. Contemplate lowering my standards and what I want from a man all together. The other part of me screams at myself for ever thinking that any of those things is the answer to the problem. It brings me to tears at how frustrating it is to want something so bad but knowing that when you want it, it will not come. This only makes me more frustrated. When everything you want in a guy is right in front of you and its what you want and you are wishing that for once, just once, a guy would want you at the same time that you want them. I know that things don’t work out for a reason, but not seeing that reason makes me angry. Life makes you go through the test to learn the lesson, but I wish that it was the other way around. Sometimes things go wrong because if they had gone right things would be so much worse. I keep telling myself this. That maybe it was a toxic relationship waiting to happen.  I keep finding my self listing your pros and cons and for some reason your cons consist of the fact that you are a fuck boy and literally have no good intentions other than to get into bed with me. I wish that sometimes I knew why I was made the way I am and if my patience is going to be rewarding in the end. Guys keep sleeping on me. They don’t know that what I have to offer is so much more than they see. I can’t wait until the day I look back on this period on my life and realize that everything worked out how they were supposed to and life is the way it is supposed to be.

This Generation of Love

To be a girl with high standards and morals, like myself, in this generation is extremely difficult. The sad thing is you can not blame just one sex for this either. On one hand, you have girls who will do anything, say anything, and give into anything if it means she doesn’t have to be alone. I have seen time and time again, girls give guys the benefits before they actually perform the work. They then wonder why the guy will not respect them or treat them right. You then have some guys who think every girl is easy and that at the snap of their fingers a girl will climb in bed with them and that, quite frankly, is the saddest thing. The there are girls who have standards and morals who get pushed to the side because like why would a guy want to work for something they can easily get from the next girl who is willing to put out? It is a neverending cycle. You can not put all the blame on the guys either. You have these good, genuine guys who really want a good loyal girl, but they get played by a girl and that makes them change their ways and become like the guy that I described above. Drake describes the males and females of this generation in his song, Doing It Wrong, perfectly ” We live in a generation of not being in love and not being together, but we sure make it feel like we’re together.” In this day and age, we have invented a stage called “talking” and it basically is a time where you “get to know” each other and decide if they are potentially what you want to pursue. Often times though individuals, girl or guy, will string someone along without any intention of moving forward with them, all the while they are entertain others. This, in my opinion, is a waste of time and is so very wrong. My thing is, is if you don’t want to move forward with someone, LET THEM KNOW. Don’t just lead them on or worse don’t just disappear out of nowhere with no explanation what so ever. This is a huge pet peeve of mine. Like dang, I don’t even deserve an explanation at the least? For all of these reasons, I am single. I choose to not allow myself to lower my standards so that a guy will want to be with me. In my mind, it doesn’t and shouldn’t work that way. A guy would and should work for something he wants. Sometimes, I become very frustrated at the patience I must endure waiting for the right guy. Girls should want date someone they see potential in and with. Why waste time being with someone when you know you are with them just because you don’t want to be alone? Like, just no. This generation is so caught up in things like “Netflix and Chill” they don’t want morals to get in their way. It’s hard to be a girl with morals and standards in a generation filled with individuals who could care less what their reputation looks like. I know not everyone is like that, but the ones who are, they are the ones ruining it for the rest of us. I will patiently wait for the right one. I know what I deserve and I refuse to settle for anything less. You should too.